Deconstructing the Tim Hortons mystique

by Thom Barker

The City of Saskatoon finally did something about the traffic SNAFU that was the Tim Hortons at 33rd Street and Idylwild. If you have never visited this particular location, just think about the accident-waiting-to-happen South Albert or Victoria Square franchises in Regina; the 8th Street and Cumberland Avenue shop in Saskatoon; or any of hundreds of other Timmies across Canada that define the concept of drive-thru hell.

A few weeks ago, a crew from the City put up a barrier that prevents drivers traveling east on 33rd from turning left into the franchise and drivers attempting to leave from turning left onto 33rd. It did the trick. Westbound traffic no longer piles up back to St. Michael Catholic Elementary School as commuters attempt to join the drive-thru queue and the 33rd-Idylwild intersection is usually almost navigable without all those eastbound left-turners trying to do the same. Those who choose to actually get off their rumps, out of their cars and go into the store, can now almost always find a parking spot without executing moves worthy of a Hollywood stunt driver.

Of course, when city road departments rectify one problem, they often create another. Clever motorists quickly figured out that they could circumvent the barrier by ducking into the alley between Idylwild and Alberta Avenue. Not only does this create a vehicular snarl in the narrow corridor, but the gravel surface, already pothole-ridden was certainly not made to handle a Tim Hortons volume of traffic. And what do we get for all this aggravation? A mediocre brew, although palatable and consistent. I know, it is virtually sacrilege to make such a bold statement in Tim-crazed Canada, but really, what is it about Timmies that fosters the unprecedented level of loyalty bestowed upon it by Canadians?

First of all, let's dispense with the myth that Tim Hortons puts some kind of psychoactive ingredient in its coffee to make it more addictive. The most popular variation on this myth is that the company puts nicotine in its coffee. This urban legend has been so thoroughly debunked, it's hardly worth going over all the evidence. Another take is that there is MSG in the brew. Also not true.

Here is the real shocker, though: there is an addictive psychoactive agent in Tim Hortons coffee. It's called caffeine, people! A panel of experts rated numerous commonly used substances with respect to how easy it is to become addicted and how difficult it is to overcome the addiction. Caffeine rated 68 per cent, just slightly higher than PCP (57%) and slightly lower than cocaine (72%).

With something that addictive, it's no wonder people flock to Timmies. "Hi, my name is Thom and I'm a Tim Hortons addict. When I first started using caffeine, I went out of my way to buy find the the most exclusive cafés. I would go out on Sunday morning and get a $5 latte or cappuccino made from the freshest, finest espresso beans. It wasn't long, though, before my weekend habit turned into a daily ritual. Soon I was up to a $15 a day habit. It was expensive, but worse than that, it was just so inconvenient. Then one day, desperate for my morning fix, I looked up and saw a yellow, brown and red logo glowing like a beacon against the gathering dawn. The coffee was fresh, fast and cheap. I was hooked."

All kidding aside, it's really not that mystifying why Tim Hortons is so popular. There are more than 3,000 franchises in Canada. That's more than twice the number of McDonald's restaurants. It is the 11th  biggest advertiser in the country. It has been around for 46 years. By statistics alone, how could it not be so popular?

Also, for the most part, and certain traffic issues notwithstanding, they are fast, conveniently located and clean (notable exceptions being 22cnd Street, Saskatoon and North Albert, Regina).  And while the menu may not be winning any fine culinary honours, the food is relatively decent (although, interestingly, less than half Tim's revenue comes from food despite the fact Canadians eat more donuts per capita than any other nationality on the planet).

Finally, although it was briefly owned by American fast food giant Wendy's, Tim Hortons is a Canadian institution that evokes the national psyche. Tim, after all, was a hockey player.